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Kirsten Lindholm

© 2000

sudden spring

why did fate strike twice the spring
that i was five?
why didn’t i get to go to the church
when adults said their last good-byes?

were the strawberries fresh in
the garden grandpa? were you
able to smile at the flowers before
they caught you when your heart stopped

what about you grandma?
why did that nurse secretly
take me to your hospital room
that night you said good-bye?
how were you able to hide your
pain and let me think you were fine?

why do thoughts of you both
come to mind when i know your
wisdom are needed?
why is it that the memories we shared
remain vivid in my mind as if age
five were frozen in time?

grandpa, do you remember when
i climbed into your closet to have a
fashion show with your clothes?
or the time when I watched you
eat the apple until only the stem

grandma do you remember the time
we played in the pines and got sap on
our hands and nothing we tried was
able to remove the stickiness?
or the time when we got caught
in a traffic jam after the double feature?

why does it hurt to think of you now?
and why am i afraid that the memories
of you will fade until i have nothing left
to remember you by?

can you recognize me in your heart?
is that child within me still visible in your eyes?
have i become who you wished me to be?
what wisdom have i missed since you
left this place?

time never passes without glimpses of you -
and the question will always remain:
why did fate strike twice the spring
that i was five?

Kristin Lindhold came to the Selective 2000 as a returning fellow. She teaches English at Northfield Senior High School. In 1999 she received her Masters of Education. She enjoys painting, sewing, drawing and playing guitar. Her favorite book is A Prayer for Owen Meany.